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2,556 Days

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Minutes Old! 

Late in the afternoon, one cold December day, back in 2011, Daddy and I finally got to meet you for the first time.  Up until that day, I could only imagine what you would look like. For months, images of your face circled my mind. Would you be tall? Would you have lots of hair? Would it be dark or blond? What would we name you? Would you like your name, is it cool enough for the awesome kid you’d grow up to be? Up until that point, I had only felt you move–wiggling and hiccuping. I’d also seen your features via a black and white ultrasound photo.  You were just this growing “baby A” and we couldn’t wait to be your parents.

You asked me tonight, as I tucked you in and sang your nighttime songs, for the last time as a 6-year-old, to tell you about the day you were born.  So I did, as I have done many nights and birthdays before. Daddy showed you pictures of your first minutes of life, you asked me if I was scared. As your parent, I sincerely try not to lie to you.  I’d rather be honest and teach you than to be dishonest and come up with a creative tale. So I said, “Yes.” I was scared, and that was the truth.

Truth be told, I am still scared. Everyday. I think that goes with being a parent, being your Mom.

You are insanely smart–like, in a year, you will far surpass my sub-par math skills. Okay, I’m lying–you already have. Jokes, aside, the scared, the worry in me only changes.  You’re about a head shy of being taller than me. How will I still pick you up and carry you when you fall? How will I teach you, when you actually surpass my skill level in math? So, yes, little man I was scared! I was scared, I wouldn’t feed you enough, I was scared I would feed you too much, I was scared you’d get hurt, that you wouldn’t sleep enough, I was scared I wouldn’t be able to help you when you caught a cold. I was scared you’d poop in the bath or puke on me (you’ve saved all those joyous nights for daddy) I was scared I’d miss your “firsts.” I am still scared, 7 years later– every day.

I’m not naive, I know that being scared as a parent kinda comes with the job–and I’m certainly 100% on board for the challenge but can we slow down a little? I went to sleep yesterday with an infant in my arms, you fit between my hand and my elbow. I was able to cradle you against my body with one had. I blinked and life, your life, our lives fast forwarded 2,556 days. You’re 7.

Always, know my little man, that Daddy and I will always be scared–but we’ll learn to adapt as you get bigger.  Continue to embrace and love reading, practice spelling, excel in math–you certainly are smarter than I could have ever imagined you’d be at 7.  Keep working on your stickhandling, hockey positioning and love for skating and playing your favorite game, hockey. Keep running, climbing and testing limits. I love that you and daddy have a mutual love for every sport, video games and ridiculous shows on the history channel.   I love that you still, want to snuggle with me every morning and read and sing together every night. Continue to test what you can do–continue to scare daddy and I. It’s what kids do best and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy Birthday, Little Man…You may not be getting a million dollars, a puppy, a cell phone or a computer for your birthday, but Daddy and I will give you everything else in the world that you could ever wish for.

XOXO,

Mama

For Hire: One New Best Friend

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I’m so angry with you my friend. I don’t even know where to begin. So I’ll start where I think that it all went bad.  I’ll remember that day for the rest of my life. It was August 29th.  I was away, on a road trip with my family and you had the audacity to text me that you missed me and made me feel bad that I wasn’t there to get dinner with you. That I was the one who was in the wrong because I went on a driving trip for 10 days with my parents.  Then to make matters worse, you texted me with some startling news. Why did you want to ruin my trip with something important? Something I had to start focusing on the minute you told me. Why couldn’t it wait to be discussed until I was home, It was only a few more days until I returned. So yes, I’m certain, that’s where we started to go bad.

I certainly didn’t tell you that I was upset at you when I returned.  It wouldn’t have changed the outcome. The next few weeks seemed regular. We shared our days, as usual, typical day to day discussions, not speaking of our text conversation while I was away.  You told me you were seeing our doctor.  Then you called me to yell.  You were so angry that the doctor, with whom I loved, wronged you.  The doctor who didn’t read your chart before she called you and broke your news in a not so professional manner. I was astounded! How could you be voicing such negative feelings for someone who was just trying to help you?  To give you the courtesy “heads up”  that something was wrong.

And that’s when it really went bad.  That’s when the next 17 months became all about YOU!

Here is best friend, in black and white, the reasons that I am mad at you.

  1. You are selfish: It’s always about you.  I have to check in every day with you, to see how you are doing.  You never return the favor.  What kind of one-sided friendship do we have here?
  2. You are just a roller coaster of emotions: One minute you’re up, the other you’re down. I can’t keep up.  Pick a feeling and go for it!  It may be liberating.
  3. Vanity: You felt the need to have body work done,  I don’t get it.  You are beautiful as you are.  Your smile lights up a room.  Why you felt the need to shave your head and change your body is beyond me.  Can we also talk about your need to wear hats? It’s like the ladies we’d make fun of all the time who wore sunglasses indoors–take off your hat.  You shaved your head, now show the world your handy work.
  4. Communication: We used to talk on the phone, we used to spend hours together just being silly. Now you’re too tired to even text.  Some of us also need a friend.  See #1
  5. You left me: What did I do to deserve you abandoning me? Our friendship? The moment that life took a turn for the worse you vanished.  Did you think it would help me if you weren’t there for me? You didn’t teach me how to get through life’s everyday moments without you.

The top five things above, best friend applicant who is considering applying for the job, are things not to do.  It’s really hard work and frankly, draining to be mad at a friend.  So if we can stick to the tasks below on what I’m looking for in a new best friend, that would be appreciative.  Oh, and best friend, if you’re reading this from wherever you are, just remember what you’re giving up by leaving.

  1. Someone that won’t be selfish:  Even in your worst days, you found the light.  You’d say, “I’m going to get in bed and cry and tomorrow I’ll get up and fight again.” That is something I need in a friend.  Someone that will Rise Up. To rise up to the challenges that life throws our way. To be strong. To not let one bad day define you.
  2. Show your feelings: I need to be able to read you, like to know what’s in your head so you don’t even need to tell me.  I need to be able to tell you my secrets, things that I can’t tell anyone else.  You need to be able to do the same. We need to have jokes and laughter between us about those feelings.
  3. Vanity: You need to be able to be yourself with me.  Not to be scared to show me your war wounds. To trust that I’ll love you with or without makeup, with one-boob, a clean house and above all, having your shit together.
  4. Talk to me, talk with me, and listen to each other:  I have a ton of grand plans and I need my supportive friend to talk me down when I’m proposing something crazy or to lift me up when you see me on the brink of greatness.  To trust that at the end of the day, I’ll be there for you.  We’ll be there for each other. To just sit and have wine and talk about nothing, to speak about everything.  Judgment free zone.
  5. Don’t ever leave me:  I recently lost my best friend and my world shattered into a million pieces.  I don’t know how to navigate life without her by my side and I need someone new that can show me the way.  

 I don’t know why best friend, that shitty things happen to good people, but I’m so mad at you for going away. I’m grateful for my friendship with you, but right now I am just so angry. I hope to one day rise above the tears and the sadness and to heal from how you’ve wronged me by leaving in the prime of your life.  You left a million things undone and unsaid.  It’s not like you not to try to have everything in its place, to organize chaos, to tidy things that you could control.

Don’t worry my best friend, you’re not replaceable. You had big feet and an even bigger heart. I’ll never find someone to fill your huge shoes. I can’t just walk down the street and find someone like you. I’ll never find someone to get through the teenage angst, to get through our quarter-life crisis with again. To grow together from young silly girls to young silly women. To be mother’s together and navigate raising a young child again.  I’ll never find someone that loved their partner as much as we individually love ours–since we were girls.  

My best friend, we’ve been together for 18 years or “Chai”. In Hebrew, Chai is literally translated to mean “life” and to those of us who believe in the teachings of our faith, we are guided by general principles kindness, thoughtfulness, selflessness and remaining good natured, both morally and ethically during life on Earth. My best friend, those general life principals sum you right up. It may sound cliche, but you were so kind, that even the last day I saw you alive, you told me I looked skinny.  Over the years we’ve certainly gained life’s weight and you knew what I needed to hear before you left me.    

So for now, if you’ll accept that I’m angry and upset with you for leaving me, for letting that ridiculous cancer take the best parts of you from this earth, then I’ll call off the search for a new best friend. It was silly of me to think I’d ever find someone to replace the bond that we built. It was silly of me to think I could ever replace you.

 

Rest peacefully my dearest friend, under the shade of a tall tall tree.  

I love you.

 

GETTING BACK AT IT

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My sister, Julie, called me up the other day, a typical occurrence now that we’re all back to our regularly scheduled programming, and shared that I must listen to this podcast.  “Podcast?” I asked— She was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t listen to podcasts.  I didn’t really give them much thought, to be honest, my social circle doesn’t discuss the podcasts they listen to, which is odd now that I think of it since the more I bring up this podcast, the more my friends all tell me that they LOVE podcasts! Julie says, “You should listen to this one episode from the “The Lady Gang, it’s all about social media, and I think you’d get a lot out of it.” “Cool, I respond. I’ll be sure to check it out.”  Sure enough, after a number episodes, a few additions to who I follow on Instagram, a couple downloaded recommended photo editing apps later, I’m hooked on “The Lady Gang”.

The most recent guest was Hillary Kerr, owner and founder of Who, What, Wear and countless other brands—a self-made #ladyboss, she knocked my proverbial socks off.  This was an insightful hour—I started my blog and website in the Fall of 2016. I wrote 5 blogs and then…it was the death of my blog–cue death theme song here. My best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was juggling two social media clients and pitching others in between carpools and playdates, taking marketing courses at DePaul at night—I was left with ZERO time.  Life legit took over, and at the end of the day, or the end of the few hours I had alone each day, I was more focused on the companies that were keeping my closet stocked with the latest from Evereve and weekly manicures than my #sidehustle.  Hillary shared during this episode that for anyone looking to become a #ladyboss, “you must treat your side-hustle with the same energy as a full hustle.”  This my friends and/or two or three readers will be my ultimate goal this year.

To be honest, I think I’m almost killing it at my marketing company gig.  I’m down to one awesome client, which over the past year has evolved from just social media with a side of marketing to additional hours and a crazy amount of opportunity to help them grow their brand.  Not only am I the little boss of their Facebook and Instagram pages, I also took over as the first responder for all the leads that come in.  Something that I was hesitant to undertake because I really wasn’t interested in selling again; however, super excited that I did, because I’ve witnessed firsthand that the changes I’ve helped to weave into the company’s processes have led to increased new home contracts.  #winning

I set off last year to start my blog, sign 4 clients and, continue my happiness journey. Well shit happens, I let my blog lapse, I signed two clients that consumed my child free time and continued to be happy. Today I have one amazing client, that wants me to work for them exclusively, a restarted blog and smiles.  I’ll take this as a major career win and steps in the right direction to reach my goals.  I’m off to focus on my #sidehustle and figure out what’s next. For my readers out there, it’s never too late to get back at it. Whatever getting back at it means.  Sometimes all it takes is listening to an empowering woman to knock you back into orbit.  What do you want to get back at? It doesn’t have to be a work-related goal, it could be getting up earlier, being more patient with your spouse and/or kids, cooking dinner one more night a week.  Whatever your goal—reach for it. GET BACK AT IT!

 

Comment below on your how you’re going to get back at it, favorite podcast or happy thoughts about winning at life!

 

XO,

Amy

Peanuts, Pilgrims and a Mayflower Ship

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Before I embarked on my new journey to self discovery and happiness, I worked full time. When Caleb was little and I was at the start up, I was awake, out of the house and on the train headed to Chicago before he woke up.  Luckily with the help of my husband he was able to tackle mornings.  I treasured my nights with Caleb and it gave me something to look forward to all day.

When he was really little, night time was the bewitching hour.  It wasn’t always easy to get him to bed.  Nonetheless, as Caleb got older bedtime became easier with our nightly routine and this time was always Mama time. If it is a shower night, our nightly routine would start here. If it is not, we tend to play a bit later than we should. We work our way up to his bedroom, sometimes still playing. Usually it takes a race where I lose to get up stairs. He loves music and reading and sometimes before bed we break out into a little dance party, other times it is an extra story.  His mind starts to shut down and that’s when my favorite part of the day comes alive.

Have your kids discovered Peanuts?  Last year we took Caleb to see the new Peanuts movie and he has been obsessed with Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts gang ever since.  With the holidays upon us, old Peanuts movies have come to life again for us to enjoy with our kids.  Around Thanksgiving, one of the TV stations played,  A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving  and Caleb learned about the Mayflower.  Do you know how hard it is to talk about the English Separatists (Pilgrims) coming to America on the Mayflower Ship to an almost 5 year old?  He learned about this from Charlie Brown.  I am thankful for this because now we have a new interest but geez…I have to pull up Wikipedia to answer his questions.  You know, he still thinks I know everything.  I better enjoy this while I can.  I digress, what does this have to do with bedtime. So the other night he was in the shower and I was trying to multi-task by putting away laundry and all he wanted to do was talk about the Mayflower ship and the people coming to America. “Mama! He would yell, did you know that people got sick on the ship? ” I’d respond. ” Mama! He would yell, did you know that the waves were really big and came on the ship? Why do the waves come on the ship in the ocean? How did they get so big? ” <—-Mind you this has now detoured to a topic about weather and water currents. This lasted almost until he got in bed where he wanted to watch some videos about the Mayflower ship but changed his mind last minute to read a story. (good choice kid.)

Ending 1:

So Bedtime is my favorite time of the day because after the silliness, the stories and the snuggles we tend to get a bit serious.  He and I have great conversations before bed. When his mind is relaxed and open for discussion.  I on the other hand, curse myself for not paying more attention in history class and copying off my best friend in science class.  Tell your kids now to pay attention in school because maybe they won’t need this stuff for a job but they will need it when their kids are preschoolers and their favorite question to ask is WHY?

Ending 2:

So Bedtime is my favorite time because this kid is finally going to be asleep; and man, he is so cute when he is sleeping and still<—- Yep! I think that too. But in all honesty, I love bedtime because it brings out a different side to my kid that I don’t get to see all day because his mind is going 100 miles an hour the other 11 hours he is awake.  My advice, for what is worth, is slow down and take time to listen to your kid(s) thoughts, if you don’t do it already.  It’s pretty amazing the way they see and process the world around them. You too may find a new love for bedtime, just for a different reason.

Signed a Mama who is ready for a WHY free day, (Just Kidding)

-Amy

Setting Intention

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This morning I went to Hot Power Yoga.  If you have ever taken a Yoga class you’ll know the instructor typically starts class by suggesting you set an intention for your day’s yoga practice.  I typically attend Yoga to relax, to help stretch my body from more aggressive workouts and for exercise. Without thinking about it, my intention for class is typically for my body to feel better.  Today was different, when the instructor asked us to set our intentions for class I didn’t have a reason different from the norm, so she actually offered a suggested intention which was to put myself first.  For the rest of class I did just that. I thought about myself, my strength, my balance, my purpose and what I want for myself in that moment and for future moments.  I needed today’s class to bring me back to my balance.  As it has gotten lost with the hustle of life.

My Yoga practice today is no different than my new journey.  To be mindful of putting myself and my needs first.  It’s really hard to do, put your needs first.  Some may judge my situation and think I am being selfish.  That while putting myself first, I am not leading my family-taking care of the needs of my husband and son.   I disagree, by putting myself first and taking care of me–I can be a better wife and mother.  I can be proud of my choices and what I am starting to build for myself. I believe that you put out into the universe what you’d like to get back. I think I am starting to see the positive energy circulating back in the form of new business relationships and happiness at home.

I invite you to take a moment and set your intention for the day.  What would you do for yourself to make a small change in your lifestyle, the way you think? Do you think a small shift in an intention can eventually  lead you down a different more true-to-you path? Take my instructors intention, focus on you and maybe being present in the moment is just what you need for a little re-boot.

Namaste,

Amy

 

 

 

Happiness Journey

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I write today to share a part of my happiness journey.  Before I do, I must provide a shout out to my amazing and supportive Hubby. Without him, I wouldn’t have had the ability to leave my past job to start working at uncovering my dreams. It is with his hard work and dedication to Caleb and I that I can work to fulfill my dreams of entrepreneurship or being a mamapreneur (more about this later).

On October 24, 2016, I completed the first of many integrated communications courses that I am taking over the next year. Since I left the startup job in 2014, I knew I wanted to go back to school. It has been a long-time goal of mine to continue to enrich my mind in the world of online marketing and communications. I was lucky to discover that DePaul University offered a certificate program through their continuing education business school, the topics of which are totally in my wheelhouse of what I was looking to study.  The best part about them, aside from a night off from mama duties, is I choose the courses that interest me and there is no course work, just a final project.

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My website and blog, was my final project for my first course, practical internet marketing. I presented my work to my classmates and received a certificate!  I learned so much during that course not only from my instructor but from my classmates as well.

In fact, a few classes ago, we were discussing blogs and I shared with a classmate what I wanted my blog to be about—and she gave me the idea that no matter the title—I should include happiness in it and so Life, Kids & the Pursuit of Happiness was born.

Today, I spend my days juggling motherhood, playdates and driving my son to his activities, building my personal brand and identity as well as providing marketing coordination for a couple of small business owners.  To be honest, being a stay at home budding mamapreneur parent is not easy, it has been a stressful transition for me—someone who has been working full time for so many years to suddenly not have that full time professional outlet, where I am in the throes of client meetings and endless emails.  I miss (a little bit) having people to respond to as soon as I wake up and see the red circle count of emails on my phone.  I miss (a little bit) having conference calls and proposals due.

I wouldn’t change my situation; I enjoy getting Caleb off to school and picking him up a few days a week. I am lucky Caleb has an amazing Grammie who has dedicated every Monday to caring for him and wonderful support system of friends who I can count on too for the drop off playdate!  I enjoy that Caleb is happy to have his mama at his activities and to watch him interact with his friends at playdates but I think I was a better mom, when I was working full time.  How many parents out there get to the end of the day and by end of the day I mean 4 or 5 o’clock and just want to hide from your kid(s)? By the end of the day, he is exhausted and I am exhausted from the endless nagging and reminders of being a good listener, to wash his hands and overall trying to teach him to be a good tiny human. Let’s be honest, I am only entering month four of being a stay at home budding mamapreneur and I am sure as we develop a better routine it will be easier as time goes on. I constantly think about how much more patient I was when I had almost full time help and I had my head focused on both my son and my work.  I wanted the best of both worlds and I sure got it!

To bring this post back—I am happy—90% happy, maybe 89%. But, I am working my way towards that goal of feeling settled with my SAHM status, relationship with my husband and budding marketing consulting business.  Fulfilling bucket list items of continuing my education and focusing on ME, taking one day at a time. If you could relate to one thing in my post, then I feel accomplished at my goal of providing some relief or inspiration on your personal journey.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll connect with other stay at home budding mamapreneurs in my community. It’s actually going to be an ongoing theme in my blog. Come along with us to learn about their highs and lows to their life of managing their families and their personal businesses. Above all, providing each woman with a place to have a sense of self and balance of raising their children and fulfilling personal dreams. You’ve uncovered a supportive community at Life Kids and the Pursuit of Happiness. I am happy to have you along for my journey.

Yours in Happiness,

Amy

How to Guide for a Lego Costume

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Halloween: The holiday in which parents have to shuffle their children from door to door to receive candy from neighbors that are unhappy about having to constantly answer their doors. For us parents, it is the holiday in which all diets are started, stopped and restarted in January…after we have eaten all our kids candy and all the holiday food to come.

In my pre-child, adult life, I never cared for Halloween. Now, I don’t mind it. It’s the holiday that parents, like me, want to “save” money on purchasing some crazy expensive costume that will be worn once.  Let’s be honest—purchasing a costume and making a costume probably didn’t save me any money. However, it did allow me some quality time with my son. Researching and planning the costume, shopping for supplies and putting the costume together.  That in itself is worth more than money—and maybe just maybe, he will tell people that he made his own costume with his mama and/or be super excited to wear it to go trick or treating.

Caleb and I spent a lot of time speaking about what he wanted to be for Halloween this year.  After talking about some superhero options, we brainstormed some other ideas based on his major interests. Hot Wheels, Grilled Cheese, building Hot Wheels tracks, coloring, Bananas and Legos.  I’d be crazy to let my kid dress up as a sandwich (all though when I think about it now…it would be really funny) so we took to Pinterest to get some ideas.  Caleb typed L-E-G-O into my IPad. It’s his new word he can spell and probably why the memory on my phone is full because he can download free Lego games without my knowledge.  But I digress, we found a whole page of cool Lego costumes on Pinterest.  Kids in boxes from head-to-toe dressed as little Lego men other kids dressed as Legos.  He really wanted to be a Lego man.  However, I didn’t want him wearing a mask—so he settled on being a Lego.

A few weeks ago, we hit up our local craft store, to shop for supplies.  We had a big discussion on what color Lego he would be and settled on his new favorite color of the week- Orange. My girlfriend donated a diaper box to use which saved us from having to purchase a box. All we needed was spray paint, a hot glue gun and circles to make the “Lego” part of the costume.

My son is 4.5 years old. So If you are making this for an adult or an older kid you will need to change the size for some of your materials.

Materials for the Lego Costume:

  • 1 Box: We used a free diaper box. Other sizes can be picked up at your local hardware or craft store.
  • 2 Cans of Colored Spray Paint: I probably wouldn’t recommend a printed box, because we needed more Spray Paint to cover all the printed words. I was hoping I could get away with 1 can but Hubby suggested purchasing another can.
  • 6 Circles to Make the “Lego”: I purchased small storage containers. They come in a package of 8—I also was interested in the round deli containers which are free (my market has changed what they use for bulk food on the salad bar) or cardboard circles from a craft store if you wanted to spend $3.99 on each circle. I opted for the storage containers.
  • Hot Glue, Knife, Masking Tape

Step 1:  Cut circles for your child’s head and arms.  I took a bowl from my kitchen and saw if it fit over Caleb’s head. When I found one large enough, I just used that for the cut out measurements. I went larger, so it wouldn’t rub his neck or bug his arms. I also used masking tape to cover all the edges that were cut as well as to reinforce the box, interior and exterior.

Lego Costume: Box with Arm and Head Cutouts
Lego Project: Caleb Modeling the Box

Step 2:

I measured (eye-balled) out where the “Lego” part should go and marked up the box.

I used a Hot Glue Gun to add the storage containers to the box.

Lego Project: Hot Glue containers to the box
Lego Project: Hot Glue containers to the box

Step 3:

Spray Paint away! I sprayed the box outside.  Make sure you do this in a well ventilated area and cover your surface.  Spray Paint lands where you least expect it.

Lego Project: Orange Box Spray Painted

Lego Project: Orange Box Spray Painted

We completed the project over a few days: cut the box on day 1, glue on day 2, spray paint on day 3 and 4.  If you are short on time, just make sure you leave enough time for all the glue and paint to dry.

I also discovered this online site called Primary. They only sell basics at a very reasonable price.  You can find solid color clothing in every color! So I purchased the Long Sleeve PJ Top and the PJ Pant to wear under the box.  I’ve purchased a few items from here in the past. The clothing has no tags and washes and wears well. I’ve also found it doesn’t shrink in the wash, which is super key to extending the length of time he has to wear the clothing.  For a limited time, I can pick 5 friends to receive free Primary PJs a $24 value) with your first order of $50 or more.  If you are interested in shopping, comment below and I’ll add your email to their distribution.

Be sure to check back after Halloween to see the finished product!!

Happy Halloween,

Amy

Updated: 10/31/16

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Thoughts on this Yom Kippur Morning

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For the past several years, I have taken on the great responsibility of the break-the-fast meal. This meal has always been my favorite.  Memories of my Bubbie’s delicious cheese soufflé and Great Aunt’s tuna fish salad. To this day are some of favorite dishes and you can’t go wrong with a bagel and cream cheese, right?? But I digress, my story. So with my great responsibility, my house has to be clean, the meal has to be delicious and the table and décor must look stellar. So yesterday, in my haste to get all the groceries purchased I headed over to the local market and started my shopping. I entered the floral department and asked the woman working for some help designing an arrangement for my mason jars.  You would have thought I was asking her for a million dollars! Instantly she was on edge of from my request—I couldn’t understand why she was coming at me with such an attitude.  I surely was not rude to my request.  As I looked around to find the best flowers-another woman who worked at the market approached me.  This woman was super sweet and ready to help me shop for my flowers.   The first woman would not let her attitude go. The flowers will make me happy, and look beautiful on my table.  It is here that I am letting go of the anger and putting good positive energy into the world.

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Delicious Food Spread. Contact me for inspiration on recipes for a brunch meal.

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This experience got me thinking about the message of Yom Kippur.  I was proud of myself, I didn’t rise to her angst, I could have but it wouldn’t have helped the situation. This woman clearly had something more important on her mind that was causing her this duress.  Maybe she was yelled at by her manager, maybe she had a fight with a friend or is sick.  In any event, we never know what is going on in someone else’s life.

On Yom Kippur, we enter the day of Atonement decreeing to G-d asking for his forgiveness before our sins are recorded in the Book of Life.  While I can’t physically go and ask for forgiveness on a personal level from those I have wronged over this past year, (I don’t think it was that many) I do want to ask for his forgiveness. This morning I repent.

  • Sometimes I forget that everyone has a story, everyone has something on their mind and I am Sorry G-d for not being understanding to their needs.
  • Sometimes I am too quick to judge and for that G-d I am Sorry.
  • Sometimes I am not as patient and for that G-d I am Sorry.
  • Sometimes I think more about myself and my needs and not the needs of others or my family and for that G-d I am Sorry.
  • Sometimes I am not as kind to other as I should be and for that G-d I am Sorry.
  • Sometimes I am stubborn and inflexible and for that G-d I am Sorry.
  • Sometimes G-d I eat too many sweets and drink too much vodka and for that G-d I am sorry.

Today I ask for forgiveness and send positive thoughts and vibes into the world.

I wish all who celebrate an easy fast.  I hope I am not judged to harshly for the small sip of water I drank when I woke up parched and brushing my teeth so people can come near me today. What are you asking for forgiveness for?

XO,

Amy

Life, Kids & the Pursuit of Happiness

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fb-cover-lkpohLife, Kids & the Pursuit of Happiness

 

I’ve been working since I was 16 years old.  I’m 34 now. That is many years devoting myself to someone else’s bottom line.  My first job was a party and skate rental girl at a local ice skating rink.  It wasn’t all bad. I met my husband while working there.  Who knew the 17 year old boy who sharpened ice skates and sold hockey equipment would become my soul mate.

When I went to college, my father told me he did not want me to work. “Focus on your studies,” he said.  Little did I know that not working meant lots of time for play and not hitting the books. I needed the structure of work, class and play to manage my day. So I discovered a local teen boutique in my college’s downtown, fell in love with boutique life and spent the next few years of college and a few years post college working for this little shop, envisioning how I could own my own clothing store one day.

I am not going to recount my jobs over the years, but you needed a bit of background so I can fast-forward to my years working at a huge digital startup in Chicago.  I loved my job. I loved the company and the culture. Prospecting new businesses in my market and the hustle of closing the deal. In the early days of this job, work was awesome. I wasn’t the youngest employee; but, I was one of the older members of my team. I was newly married, with thoughts of having a baby, not going out to party.  A few years passed and I did get pregnant.  Work was still awesome, but my focus was beginning to shift.  Thoughts of pregnancy, morning sickness, food aversions, car seats and strollers plagued my mind. Caleb was born in the winter of 2011.  I was thrilled for maternity leave, it took me a good amount of time to decompress. I was content with our decision for me to return to work. It made sense. The money was awesome. I had paid off my twenty-something year old credit card debt that I incurred over the years.  Working and commuting was smart -how bad could it be?  Since my husband, Mike, owned his own mortgage company,  we need the health insurance and my companies benefits were excellent.   So out the door I went before Caleb even was awake.  Mike’s start time was flexible so he thankfully took care of mornings before my mom or nanny arrived. It would be fine,  I’d have the quality time I was longing to have with my baby all day, after work…it would be okay.

Except it wasn’t. I was miserable.  The mood overall shifted at work. Fun turned corporate and the hustle was just exhausting.  I no longer found joy in the commute. Nonetheless, I stayed on-miserable for a long time. We need the health insurance, I told myself.  Be SMART.  I was finding solace in a weekly therapy session. (Not really) Until one day in July when all my late twenty-something colleagues were making big life changes, I just lost it. I made a decision then that I needed to leave my job, to find something close to home or working from home. If my young co-workers could relocate to the coasts, uproot their lives..I could relocate my job closer to home. THIS WAS SMART!

I resigned from my job exactly four years and one day after I began.  I took a few weeks off to clear my head and regroup.  It was then that I made a vow to myself that I was NOT going to let myself be unhappy. I was not going to let insurance benefits and being SAFE rule my life.  My poor husband, family and friends were left with daily bitch sessions from me and who wants to be that person who can’t find happiness and just complains all the time? It’s exhausting.

I was lucky, even as we were exiting the recession I was able to find a new job and I was happy again.  I couldn’t believe how clear my head was.  I became an active participant in my son’s morning routine and made plans in my head for what could be–If dreams were easy to achieve. Aren’t they? If you ask my best friend about my schemes in life she will tell you that there have been quite a few; clothing boutique owner, shoe boutique owner, kids play space owner..the list goes on and the theme does too. I have ALWAYS wanted something for myself. I wanted to own my own business.

After the start up job, I wasn’t yet ready to make those dreams a reality. I needed more information, more knowledge of the digital space. My most recent position was a digital marketing consultant. I learned so much. I learned how sell digital marketing solutions to small business owners and from both the start up job and this most recent, I fell in love with small business owners. After years of selling and hustling I was done. I resigned from my position and I was ready to start achieving my own dreams and not the dreams of someone else. I wanted to affect my own bottom line, build up my own self worth -I wanted to engross myself in social media and help small business owners implement their own digital marketing plans.  I wanted to continue to pave the way for my true happiness.

So without further ado, I invite you on my journey of self discovery and reflection.  The journey of discovering a happy life, and a happy loving relationship with my spouse. All the while trying to navigate a super smart and independent little boy.  Come with me and experience the highs and lows of building an identity, making mom friends and pursing happiness.

XO,

Amy