An Open Letter to My Best Friend After She Died

Let me start by saying I wrote this piece in June as a submission to PopSugar, an online global media a tech company.  They, unfortunately, did not select my writing for publication. However, while it was being reviewed I couldn’t have it out on any other websites.

Dear Best Friend,

Life certainly threw us a curve ball when you got sick. Benching our happy life plans for a moment. I said I would be there for you. To make you laugh, bring you cupcakes, to shop at our favorite clothing store and bring you gifts. To never judge your decisions or tell you what to do or what doctor to see. I said I would be there for your husband and daughter when you were too sick to care for them. I would always hold your hand and make you smile.

We both fell in love with our high school sweethearts, we were married two months apart and our bridesmaids wore the same dresses but in different colors. We made plans. We made big plans to celebrate our 40th Birthdays and our 10 year wedding anniversaries to travel the world together with our husbands. To plant our summertime flowers, to decorate our houses to raise our children together. To drink wine, lots of wine. We made big plans to laugh, we made big plans to get through life’s toughest moments together. We had plans to stay friends forever. I said I would be there for you always, as your best friend and confidant.

Life certainly threw us a wrecking ball when you died. Smashing our happy life plans into a million pieces. I said I would be there for you, always. I said I would be there for your husband and daughter. I hope, I am doing okay. Without you by my side. I am left to figure out how to navigate life as a wife and a mother without you–who else just knows what I am thinking. We held back nothing from one another.

I am here, with a mind of unsaid words and lists of plans that we will never be able to do together.
My friend, we had the privilege of 18 years together and during your fight with breast cancer, we were lucky to celebrate your time on earth twice. Your strength and determination to fight and stay positive as the ugly cancer overtook your body. I can honestly say, I have never seen you so tough. There were times when you just wanted to be in bed, you were so tired, but you would say, “I am going to get in bed and cry and tomorrow I will get up and fight again.” You appeared so brave. We never spoke of the what-ifs–even though I know you were thinking about them. You left your high school sweetheart and a beautiful little girl. It pains me that she will never get to know you, to know what an amazing mother to her you were for the three years you had together. You carried those thoughts alone.

You were a girl I knew since elementary school–you had the brightest smile.
You were a girl I worked with for two years–before we decided we liked each other.
You were a friend for years–before we were roommates.
You were my best friend for 18 years and I will speak of you only in the highest regards all the days of my life.

Thank you for being my very best friend.
I love you and cherish our friendship more than you will ever know.

-Amy

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